Hey guys!

So first of all, I just want to apologize for being off the grid for a while. The day of the transfer, I actually came home and wrote a post about it, but I got lazy and never posted it.  So, I guess we'll start from there!

We had our transfer on Monday, December 16th. My nurse called at 7:45 am and asked us to be there at 8:30. I quickly called Matt at work and we rushed down to the clinic. I wasn't allowed to wear make up, lotion, perfume, or deodorant. So basically, I looked and smelled bad. ;) We got there and I changed into my lovely hospital clothes again, and signed some paper work. 

The doctor came in and gave us a picture of our beautiful little embryos and explained what would be happening. We hung out for a little while, and then the nurse came in and walked me to the O.R. I then had our two beautiful Grade AA embryos come home to me. I had to lay in the recovery room for about 20 minutes, and then we came home! Matt had to go back to work, so I made a bed on the couch and watched movies all day.

Our beautiful babies!(that kind of look like aliens :))

So a few days went by, and I was already going crazy wishing I knew if it had worked or not. So day four rolled around and I just couldn't take it anymore. So, I took a pregnancy test. I waited for a few minutes to look at it, but when I did, there was a second line(which means it's positive). It was SO faint, but it was there. So my heart skipped a beat, but I decided to wait to show Matt until I could take another test the next morning. Well, I didn't exactly make it till the next morning. That night, I took another test, and that one was clearly positive. Matt and I jumped around and couldn't believe what we were seeing. Tears filled Matthew's eyes, and we just sat there and stared at that test. We called my parents and celebrated with them, but told her not to tell anybody tell our blood test confirmed it!

So day by day, the tests got darker. Finally, the day of my blood test was here! I left the clinic after getting my blood drawn and waited anxiously for the call. Around 8:30 she called and said "Merry Christmas, your pregnant!" Those were the best words I could have ever imagined hearing. That night we called everybody and told them, and put it on facebook of course! ;)

 "Guess what...we're PREGNANT! baby Marshall's

estimated due date is September 2014!

This morning, we had our second blood test to make sure all my levels were rising correctly. She called and said my level more than doubled, and everything looked really good! Our first ultra sound is scheduled for next Friday, which is when we will find out how many babies we have growing in there! My nurse says she's sure there's two in there based on how high my levels are, but we'll know for sure in a week!

I'll be back on next week with an update and hopefully some pictures! I hope everybody had an awesome Christmas!

Till next time!

Torie

8 little eggs

Hey guys!

So we had our egg retrieval yesterday! You know what that means? That means no more sticking my stomach with needles!!! Now, although this is exciting, I would be more excited if I didn't have to stick needles in my butt every night now! Anyways, back to the egg retrieval..

My nurse emailed me on Monday, and told me that retrieval was pushed up to Wednesday, and that it was time to do this! Of course, I was excited to have one less day of meds than we planned, and that this was finally happening. So we showed up at the clinic at 10, and they took us back to the changing/waiting room. I got dressed in my lovely hospital clothes(shown below), and then we sat and waited for the nurse to come put my iv in. She came in and had me sign all my consent forms, and then put my iv in, and told me not to be nervous. Then we waited a little more. After about 15 minutes, the anesthesiologist came in and asked questions about my previous experiences with anesthesia(which I don't have any) and then walked me back to use the bathroom, and then to the operating room.

 Yea, these are real cute pictures ;)

Signing the consent forms.

Now, I was SO incredibly nervous to be put under. Out of everything involved with IVF, this is what I was most anxious about. So as soon as I got into the operating room, I started to freak out. Right after I got on the table, The anesthesiologist said "I'm going to start putting the medication in your iv now."   Literally two minutes later, the room started to spin. I thought to myself.."maybe I should ask if that is normal." That is the last thing I remember.

The next thing I knew, Matt was holding my hand and I opened my eyes to see him looking at me. It took me a few minutes to wake up, and I remember them coming to get my heart rate and blood pressure(and of course I was no help being half asleep and all).

Matt thought it was fun to take pictures of 

me while I was still under...

The first question I asked when I woke up was how many eggs they got. Matt asked the nurse and she said we got 8 eggs. She said not to worry over the number, because the quality matters more than the quantity. Once I woke up enough to stand up, they moved me to a big chair and Matt fed me juice and crackers to make sure the medication wasn't making me sick. After sitting there for about 20 minutes, the let me put my clothes back on and go home.

Attempting to smile while I was still half asleep.

So that was our big adventure for the day. I spent the rest of my afternoon laying in bed with a heating pad and the t.v. on. I had my sweet puppy dog keeping me company, and a husband who was doing everything he could to help. I was pretty sore all day yesterday, but I am feeling much better today!

After tossing and turning all night last night, we got the call this morning that 7 of our 8 little eggs made it through fertilization! Now, I know that many of you don't understand how exciting that is, but just trust me! Matt and I felt this huge wait lift off of our shoulders, as we celebrated this achievement. We have 7 little babies growing strong in a petri dish right now. The nurse will call us again on Saturday to tell us how many are still growing, and again on Monday to hopefully set up transfer!

Ill be back on to tell you all what ends up happening!

Until next time.

Torie

Shots Shots Shots..

Hey everyone!

So first of all, I hope everybody had an awesome Thanksgiving! My parents came up and cooked a big fancy dinner for us, so of course ours was good! We took advantage of them being here, and decorated our tree and looked at Christmas lights. Daisy LOVED having Grandma and Grandpa here! She would jump all over them and shake her little butt every time she saw them.  Unfortunately, the have a life( I know..how dare they have a life beyond me!) and they had to go back to Redding.

My wonderful, supportive, strong, amazing Mamma.

 I love her So incredibly much. 

Our very fist Christmas tree as a married couple.

Our new little village :)

Second of all, I realized that I am already on my third day of injections, and I haven't even let you guys know how it's going! Man, I sure am slacking! So let's start from the beginning, shall we...

The day before Thanksgiving, I had my baseline ultrasound. This is when they are looking for cysts, polyps, or anything else that may have appeared that could cause the IVF to be compramised. Everything looked good, so my nurse called later that day to give me my injection dosages. She told me to take 450 IU's of Follistim on Sunday evening, and then take 225 IU's Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday twice a day, as well as my hcg shot in the evenings. Now, at first I was a little upset with that! I was originally only supposed to give myself two shots a day...but since the dosage was so high, they wanted to split it up between the morning and the evening. That means I'm giving myself twice the shots! But after my first shot, I really didn't care anymore.

Sorry for this gross picture..but it does the process justice.

Sunday evening was the start date. That was when I gave myself my fist two injections. I of course was nervous to start...not only to stick the needle in myself, but also of the effects the medication might have on my body. I got all of my medication out, and prepared my two shots just like they showed me in class. Matt offered to do it for me, but I wanted(and needed) to do it myself. It took me a minute to get the courage up to actually do it, but once I did, I was totally fine. The needles are pretty tiny, and I honestly can barely feel it. After that first poke, it was very easy to give myself my injections. Matt usually isn't home...in fact, he's only been home for one...but he always gets my morning injection ready for me, so I can just inject it and go back to sleep.

And just because this is my least favorite part of it all... 

This is was the life of an IVFer looks life ;)

Now, do you guys want to hear how I'm feeling? Well, If you don't, too bad. I'm telling you anyways! I felt totally fine on Sunday night after my first injection. Matt got me up on Monday and I gave myself my morning injection and went back to sleep for a couple of hours.  I woke up feeling a little bloated, and a little down in the dumps. So, I had the day off of work, and decided I did not want to just sit at home and feel sorry for myself all day. I called up my friend, and we went to lunch and then shopped(well, more like bought things we didn't need). That cheered me up, and made me forget about all this for a few hours. Seven rolled around and I geared up for my next shot. I got everything ready and gave them to myself and then proceeded to watch Vampire Diaries on Netflix. Matt came home, and we ate dinner and then something weird happened...I randomly started crying for no apparent reason. This happened twice last night! Poor Matt just let me cry irrationally, and hugged me. Stupid hormones. I then spent the rest of my night(and this morning) running back and forth to the bathroom. So, today I am laying in bed feeling very crampy and incredibly bloated. But the good news is, I have a very sweet puppy to keep me company...now if only I could get her to stop trying to walk on my stomach.

Even though I'm feeling like this, I know it will all be worth it. Starting tomorrow, I have ultrasounds and blood work every other day(at 7 am -_-). They will be monitoring my follicles to make sure they are growing at the right pace, and then retrieval should be the middle of next week sometime. I will be back on sometime in the near future to let everyone know how it's going! Sorry for the incredibly long blog post!

Till next time!

Torie

No turning back now

Hey guys! 

So guess what came in the mail yesterday...DRUMROLL PLEASE!!! 

Just wanted to prove how big the box all that stuff came in was..ignore the laundry!

That's right, all the stuff I need to get this show on the road! Now, I'm not going to go on and on about how huge the needles are, or how terrible this is all going to be. Let's just face the facts, we chose this, so I'm going to deal with it...without complaining! ;) Monday is officially the start date! I start my 7 am appointments(which I'd rather complain about these than the needles!) Monday morning, and as long as everything looked good and suppressed, I start my stims on Sunday evening! Matt and I were discussing how weird it was that I could be pregnant this time next month. 

Speaking of Matt, let's talk about how awesome that guy is!

I can never get a normal picture with him ;)

 His birthday was on Wednesday...he's an old man now. Or he's only 23, I can't remember which one. ;) but anyways, he's been awesome through all of this. He takes me on drives when I'm feeling anxious, buys me hot cocoa because caffeine is out of the picture, and takes me to target to wander around at least once a week. He's been all around the greatest husband a girl could ask for. Ok ok, mushiness over! 

I'll be back next week to keep you all updated! Till next time! 

Torie

Hey everybody!

Matt and I in the elevator before the class

Well, today was a big day for us! We had our injection class, and it was actually really fun(we did however get to use a "rubber tummy" so I doubt doing the real thing will be that fun!) First, they took us up to a little classroom and showed us a slideshow that was all about the IVF process. We learned exactly what they would be doing during the cycle, and gave us the hard copy of our calender. She then went over all of our medications, discussed what the 7 am labs and ultrasounds will be like, and went over how the retrieval and transfer days will go. Then, the fun part stared...

 All the fun stuff we got to play with

Me learning how to use Follitism, which is one of my

 most common injections that comes in pen form

She gave us one of all the medications we will be getting, and all the needles and alcohol pads. She gave us our "rubber tummy" and went over exactly how we will be giving my injections. All the medications use different types and sizes of needles. We have to mix some of the medications ourselves, and others come premixed in a pen that we just set our dosage and inject. She went step by step with us, and we were allowed to actually follow along and give the injections ourselves. Being able to prepare, and give the injections to the rubber tummy ourselves, made the shots seem much less intimidating. Matt enjoyed taking pictures of me mixing the medications, and learning how to inject the different sized needles. He would help me when I needed it, but sit back and watch when I seemed determined. We had a great time learning this scary process together.

 Apparently I was very focused on mixing my meds

...ignore the double chin ;)

The "rubber tummy" that bravely took all my injections for me ;)

Although we had a good time learning all of this, we also got a ton of paperwork..our medication order, our hard copy calender, our consent forms, paperwork on where to inject all of the medications, how to prepare for retrieval and transfer days, and oh so much more. I spent the first two hours after getting home from the class trying to decipher my med order, and another hour after that on making my calender for the next six weeks. Our medications are being ordered on Wednesday, and should be here by the end of the week, and we officially start the IVF cycle two weeks from yesterday. As we stood in the elevator on the way out of the doctor's, Matt asked "are you ready for this?" I told him I was until I got all this paperwork! Of course, now I am a little overwhelmed. II think it is finally hitting me that this is actually happening! The nurse we were working with today refused to say "if you get pregnant"...instead she says "when you get pregnant." I loved that, and it makes me feel like this is going to all be worth it. Well, i'll just leave you with all that information that is currently circling around in my mind!

Until next time!

Torie

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to get on and write a quick post to say Happy Halloween! Now, normally I don't dress up for Halloween because I never have a reason to, but we were in the running for the costume contest at work this year! We all dressed up as the Ninja Turtles, and our boss was Splinters..the rat.

All the girls and I dressed up

The jack o' lantern cake I made..It was SO yummy!

We looked pretty dang awesome if I do say so myself. After work, Matt and I sat out on the porch (In the 30 degree weather) and handed out candy to all the little ones, and that was super fun. We saw lots of lady bugs, princesses, and of course the Incredible Hulk. All in all, we had a pretty low key, but fun Halloween!

Matt, Daisy and I before we started passing out candy

I also wanted to get on to say...

Only 22 more days till it all begins! I'm not counting down or anything ;)

I never thought of myself as someone who would have a blog. In the beginning, I was writing this blog mainly because I was missing my family, and I wanted to keep them updated on the things going on in my life away from them. Then when Matt and I got diagnosed with infertility, I started researching with all of my free time. I ran in to a lot of different blogs, written by women who are dealing with the same thing we are. That is when I decided I wanted to start writing my blog based on what we are going through infertility wise. I guess I am just hoping that maybe somebody will stumble upon this page while doing research, and it will help them in some way.

I never thought I would get such a big response to this blog. I was very hesitant to post my blog on Facebook, or Instagram, just because I was afraid I might get a negative response...but the opposite has happened. People that I never even thought would be interested, are emailing me telling me how much they love reading my posts. I am getting comments from strangers telling me they are praying for me, and friends from high school who are telling me how proud they are of the decisions we've made. It warms my heart to know that so many people care about us. We had no idea that we would get so much love and support form everybody around us. The next two months are going to be exciting, emotional, and hopefully end with a positive outcome, and I can't wait to share it with all of you guys. As for the next three weeks, I am constantly watching the clock and the calendar, wishing the start date would just hurry up and get here! Here's to hoping I don't go crazy patiently waiting ;)

Until Next Time!

Torie

Hi everyone! Well, as promised I am back to share how my appointments went the last twos days! On Monday, I had my scope..which was not exactly the most fun thing in the whole world.                                                 Matthew and I before the appointment..of course he was being silly Matt and I showed up, and I was anxious because I knew it was going to be painful. We checked in and sat down, and a few minutes later the nurse walked out and called my name. We both got up and started walking towards the nurse, and she stopped Matt and said "we are just going to take Victoria back for this appointment." So, anybody who knows me knows that I am a very anxious person. I immediately felt like I was going to burst into tears. She walked me back and told me to change into my gown and hospital booties...which let me just tell you..I looked cute ;)                                                                           Me in my beautiful hospital gown.. After I changed, she took me back to the operating room and got me all set up. The doctor came back, did the procedure, and it was all over in about 20 minutes. It definitely was uncomfortable, but it was also bearable. Now, I want to explain what the procedure was, just because you guys probably have no idea what I'm talking about when I say "scope." They basically just shoot water and saline into your tubes to make sure you don't have any blockages. They also go in with a probe/camera to make sure you don't have scar tissue, cysts, or any other kind of abnormality that's going to effect the IVF. The good news is that everything looked 100% healthy and normal! Yay! The water shot directly through my tubes, which means that I have no blockages, and he didn't see a single abnormality! So that took a load off my shoulders! The procedure left me feeling a bit crampy, so Matt took me to lunch, and all was well :) Now we also had our follow up appointment this morning!! We signed our lives away..and signed a huge check away..and we are very excited to announce...                                                          December is the BIG month! We're excited and optimistic!  So that is our big exciting news for this post! I should be back on in the next couple of weeks just to say hi! As far as our IVF posts go, nothing exciting should be happening until the end of November! Until next time! Torie

Hi everybody!

Well as we all know, I am not very good at keeping up with this blog...but that is soon going to change! Matt and I have our follow up appointment with our doctor two weeks from today, which is very exciting for us! This appointment is where we will set the date for our very first IVF! (Eeeek!!) 

Now, we fully understand that not every body agrees with our decision to go through IVF in a public manner. We understand that some of our friends and family members believe that this should be a private matter between the two of us, and does not belong on the internet. Although we understand these opinions, we also have an understanding of something that many of you don't, and that is going through infertility. It's an emotional and expensive journey that you honestly just don't understand unless you've been through it. 

We have made the decision to put our journey on the internet for a couple of reasons. One being that we really can use all the support we can get. The other reason is that I might be helping somebody get through their infertility struggle. I've spent countless hours reading other women's blogs and watching YouTube channels devoted fully to infertility.  I've read some amazing, and inspirational stories on women overcoming infertility and becoming mothers after years of struggling, and they truly do help. It helps to read about others experiences with IVF, and how they dealt with all the doctors appointments, blood work, and shots.  They give women currently going through it hope that it will al be worth it. 

That all being said, I am going to do my best to update frequently while we are going through IVF. If you don't want to read about our experiences, than please don't feel like you have too. I'm doing this for myself, my friends and family who want to follow our journey, and for all the women who might be going through this in the future. I'll talk to you all in two weeks with any news :) 

Thanks for listening,

Torie

Matt and I met when I was only 15 years old. We were teenagers, and nobody imagined we would stay together and get married 5 years later. We may have only been teenagers, but we talked about marriage and children often. Five years later, we married, and I moved my life to follow my heart, and my Airman. It’s been the best eight months of my life, but it has also been the hardest.

After we got married, we immediately started trying for a baby. Our parents told us to “wait and give it a few years,” as we are only 21 and 22 years old. Despite what our families were saying, we wanted a baby, so a baby we would have. We tried for a few months, but nothing was happening. We contemplated waiting and starting up again in a year or so, as I was having terrible anxiety. We talked, and visited the doctor, and had countless conversations on whether or not to keep trying. Matthew just wanted me to be happy, and left the decision up to me. I thought about it, and made the decision that I was not going to let anxiety run my life. I have anxiety, I am always going to have anxiety, and I will not let it get in the way of our happiness. So we kept trying. Nine months have gone by, and still nothing. We have been told we have fertility problems. The chances of us conceiving naturally, is slim at best. Now, we have to deal with it.

I was devastated. Matt was angry. He kept saying it was his fault, and that he was so sorry. Never in my life, could I ever imagine blaming my husband for us not being able to conceive. He did not choose this, but I did choose him, and he still amazes me every day with his strength.

We are dealing with this obstacle, and we will overcome it. As much as I do believe that, I spend a lot of time believing something else. I worry. I worry that there’s something else wrong with me. I worry that we will never be parents, and I worry that this will begin to hurt my new marriage. Every time I cry, Matthew thinks I am angry at him. In reality, I am just sad. I’m sad that the one thing I want is out of my reach, and there is nothing I can do about it. I’m sad because I feel like nobody understands. I am tired of being told that I am young and it will eventually happen. I don’t want to hear that I just need to relax. I don’t need somebody to tell me how “crazy” or “dramatic” I am being. When you want a baby, and are told is going to be difficult, then you can tell me how crazy and dramatic I’m being. And I really don’t want to be told that there’s always adoption. I know that adoption is always an option, but I want to bear a child of my own. I don’t think there is any shame in that.

People who haven’t been through infertility cannot even to begin to understand how much it consumes you. How much your heart really does hurt every month when that test is negative.  I envy every person that I see who has a child. I don’t mean to hate them with every fiber in my body, but I honestly can’t help it. I spend countless hours researching, and trying to come up with a solution to this problem, and one day, I’m sure I’ll realize there really is nothing I can do but wait. And I know one day we will be holding a baby in our arms, but until then, we will continue to live our lives with this heaviness.

I’m sorry if this was too dramatic for you, or if you think infertility is a personal matter, but when you’re dealing with infertility, support means more than anything. Having somebody to talk to that actually cares, takes so much weight off of my shoulders. Until next time friends.

Torie

Hello friends and family!!

So i'm not great at the whole writing every week thing..haha! So, I will just write whenever I have the time..or something exciting to write about ;)

The last couple of weeks have been eventful to say the least. I have not been feeling great, and the last couple of weeks have been a bit more difficult with Matt working all the time. BUT, I have decided to do something about all this not feeling well nonsense!! This evening, my friend Kailee and I went to a Zumba class at the gym on base..that was lots of fun! We are planning on going to those classes twice a week. And, tomorrow I start seeing a personal trainer twice a week!! Yay!!

This Wednesday, Kailee and I are going to a spouse orientation on base. It's basically a class to teach new Air Force wives how to cope with being a new military wife. I am super excited, because it is going to be a great place to meet other wives! Not to mention that I could definitely use some help in getting to know all the military rules and slang.

One other exciting thing that has happened in the last two weeks...WE GOT A NEW CAR!!! :) Pictures will be up next week!! (only because Matt has all of them on his phone)

Well, I know this post wasn't too terribly exciting, but that's all for now!!

Till next time!

Torie

So, Sorry I was off the grid for a while...our stuff from Cali FINALLY showed up at our doorstep last week! We were SO excited that we immediately started decorating our new home! We hung wedding decorations and I made Matthew hang curtains (which he was thrilled about) in the living room and our bedroom. Our new house is finally starting to look like a home!

The one downside to all of this happening so quickly is that our apartment is a mess, and the our guest room is housing the boxes full of items we couldn't seem to find room for. BUT, we did get the guest bed set up, so that our guests will at least have a place to sleep!

So, even though our little apartment is still under construction, the one spot in the house that is finished is beautiful..well at least I think it is :) hehe!

So this, is the little nook in our apartment that is actually finished. I absolutely LOVE it! I personally think it turned out so incredibly cute! It has all the pictures of our family members, and a couple pictures of Matt's momma up in heaven. We got this little red chest at Target, and it was my favorite buy of the week! We had searched everywhere for something red to put there, and we couldn't find a single thing!! Frustrated and annoyed, we decided to give up..then we stumbled upon this gem!

Well anyways, until next week!!  

Torie

My cuddle buddy

So, the minute I got here I immediately told Matt that we were getting a cat. He quickly gave in to my request and we made our way (through the snow) to the local Haven Humane. And this is what we brought home with us...

His name is Oliver..though we call him "Little Man" or "Bubba" most often. He spent his first week home with us behind the toilet in the bathroom, and refused to come out. After a week of this I thought I was going to go crazy!! I was trying everything I could to coax him out from behind the potty, but he was not having it! So I got fed up and said "Matt, we have to take him back!!" and as soon as that came out from my mouth he ventured out from the bathroom. He knew I meant business ;)

Now that we have gotten to know each other,  he is my lil' buddy. He sleeps with my on my days off, and finds his way onto my lap when we're watching t.v. before bed. Matt says he's a mamma's boy...well, I won't complain! He's learned what he needs to do to get our attention(especially in the middle of the night) and cries VERY loudly when we ignore him. But, non the less, I love him!

 Chillen with his Mamma

My Sweet Boys :)

Married life!

Hello and welcome to Life as a Marshmallow!

We are the Marshall's :)

My name is Torie, and that handsome devil in the picture above is my husband Matthew. We have been dating since we were 15 years old and recently tied the knot! (Although if your reading this you probably know all this info already!) I decided to create this blog for all of our lovely family members back home who don't get the chance to talk to us often. So if your interested in what crazy things are happening in the life of the Marshall's, stay tuned! :)